Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings.
A husband and wife enter.
Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag): Morning!
Husband: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage, and bacon; egg and spam;
egg, bacon, and spam; egg, bacon, sausage, and spam; spam, bacon, sausage,
and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon, and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam,
bacon, spam, tomato, and spam;
Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam, spam, spam, egg, and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam...
Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a
Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate,
brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage, and spam, that's not got much
spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Husband: Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam, and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Husband: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage, and spam, has
it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg, bacon,
spam, and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!
Husband: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm
having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, beaked beans, spam, spam,
spam, and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam, spam, spam, spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Husband: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam... (but it is too late
and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful
spam! Spam spa-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely
spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
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Copyright © 1995-1998 Carl P. E. dos Santos All rights reserved |
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